A lot of thoughts have been swimming around in my mind these past few days. I finished summer classes last week so this is basically the first time I’m actually free since I’ve been here in May. Even though it’ll only be for a couple of weeks before we start the school year, it honestly feels really weird not having to do work. And it’s actually scary bringing all these other thoughts to mind, the thoughts that work used to easily push away.
At the least I know that I’m not alone in feeling alone. Some of us took for granted the amount of interaction we had with others, because we were always seeing each other during teaching or during class. But now I feel afraid that the relationships I built with others were simply made out of obligation. Will there be any other reason for us to spend time together? I really hope so. I really do see them as my friends, but I feel that I’ve created a lot of conditions around those relationships (and this sounds really stupid) simply because I frequently depend on them in order to spend time with them. I don’t have a car yet. There have been several times that people have saved me a lot of trouble just by helping me get to where I need to go.
And there’s so many things I want to do! And I’d love to invite others to join! But who says that I actually have a means to getting there myself, without relying on others? Haha, this is a prime example of Quality Time love language right here. I need to spend time with people and find if they appreciate my company before I am most comfortable with them.
I guess this is yet another trial to go through while I’m here. Make efforts to maintain relationships, but not force them. I have limited means of spending time with others, but it doesn’t mean I have no way of doing so.